Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
