I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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