she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize