My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
