On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
