I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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