So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
