if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
