I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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