Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the day after is always just damage control
why do cheetos always look like penises
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
