Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
