I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
