omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish I only lived at night.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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