he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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