so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
