I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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