Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
