Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
