I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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