This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
