Please don't use social media to get back at me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
