I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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