mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
