If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
NoShamevember. You game?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
