why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
