Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
