yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
