my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
