so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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