So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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