Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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