you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
either way he was missing a nipple.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
