Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
