I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So much Jack, so little girl.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
