did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
