Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
