why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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