If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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