I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
