i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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