Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
