I cockslap morals
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
