someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize