and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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