We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
