well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
