I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
