So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There are leaves in my underwear?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
