____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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