The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
