I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
