the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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