my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
