Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
