i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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