i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
