you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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