the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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