Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize