i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
