Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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