I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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