Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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