i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
