god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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