Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
