i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
