Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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