Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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