I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
