I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
