I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
