My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
