Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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