Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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