chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
