her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize