when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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