cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
