great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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