he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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