I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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