Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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