you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
