My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I need to sanitize my soul.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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